Overcoming the conflicting feelings of 'Mum guilt' upon my return to work

I welcomed my first child into the world in June 2022 and returned to work January 2023 so I am very new to the working mum world and by no means an expert. However from conversations with other mums, both professionally and personally, I am confident that we all experience similar struggles and yet have completely unique experiences! I have been given lots of advice about motherhood, most of which I have taken onboard and found what works for me, my family and our situation, but my return to work was probably one of the biggest and more complex decisions so far.

Many people warned me about the ‘Mum guilt’ when returning to work and most advice I received with regards to maternity was ‘take as long as you can,’ but my first experience of ‘Mum guilt’ was about 3 months post partum when I started to feel mentally unstimulated. I kept us very busy visiting family, attending sensory classes, baby massage, etc. and I love every minute of the time I spend making memories with her but I wanted something more for me and this of course led to the feeling of guilt.

I decided to find a bit of a balance and book in my ‘keep in touch days’ weekly between October and December. Within a few hours of getting to the office I was back into the swing of things and loving speaking to old clients and candidates. I missed my daughter but she was well looked after with my Mum and sisters who sent me regular pictures of all the fun she was having. I found switching out of 'Mum mode' was easy and her happy little face when I came to collect her was my favourite part of the day. The ‘Mum guilt’ was still there but I was more conflicted because I longed for more time at work to get more done and I kept thinking I shouldn’t be feeling like this.

After a few weeks I met up with client of mine and mentioned how I had been feeling, as it turns out, she had had a similar experience. ‘Returning to work made me a better Mum,’ she said. Her advice and experience was exactly what I needed to hear. She was right, my time at work gave me the space I needed for myself, that mental stimulation I had been missing and it allowed me to appreciate those moment with my daughter even more, so I got my return to work date arranged.

We have still had our challenges and the ‘Mum guilt’ is still there but this has been exactly what we needed so I decided to be a little more personable and share what I have learnt:

• There is no right or wrong answer, whether you return to work after a few months; take the full year; or even if you don’t return - you are an amazing Mum!
• It’s okay to need your career and your own sense of identity;
• Being in a supportive team who understand your needs and can make any adjustments to find your balance between work and your personal life is key;
• There is nothing more heartwarming than seeing your littles ones excited face when you pick them up from nursery!

I can only speak about my experience and that does happen to be a mothers perspective but I can imagine there are similar experiences for fathers.

If you have recently returned from maternity or paternity leave/ are due to return and want to have a confidential chat with another parent about what options there may be to fit around your life, feel free to call me on 07944 579 369 or email Sophie.burns@redlawrecruitment.com.